Alyssa Sellers

Desert Jesus and the Cranky Girl

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DesertI had forgotten how much chronic pain makes me cranky.

Almost 10 years ago I broke my upper right arm completely in half and had to get a titanium rod and screws placed into the brokenness. I was cranky for months. I thought it was the pain medicine.  I realize now, it was more the miserableness I constantly felt.

I realize now, because I did something awful to my right shoulder and I’ve been in constant pain for 3 weeks. It hurts to type this. It hurts to wash my hair. It hurts to lie on the couch watching Netflix. It hurts. It’s annoying. It makes me cranky.

And then I opened up my bathroom cabinet and something springs out and falls to the floor. “You think I’m picking you up!? Nope, you’re gonna stay there and take this time to think about what you’ve done.”

I’m cranky.

And I’m tired and occasionally I worry about how all this is effecting my pocket book. I ran out the meager amount of leave I accrued this year a week & a half ago. So basically I’m cranky and I’m broke.

Recently I read about how Jesus was super hungry in the desert when Satan was tempting him with all the power and food and Jesus withstood it.  I am so glad I’m not Jesus.  I am so glad I never have to be. I get crazy hungry angry. Hangry as it were. If the salvation of the world had been left to me, we’d be in trouble. But it isn’t and that makes me a little less cranky.

Too often I have compared myself to Jesus and been frustrated with how I don’t match up. But, the thing is, Jesus never asks me or the rest of his followers to be Jesus. The position of Savior of the World had already been filled, thank you very much. Jesus instead asks us to believe in him, to believe in the one who sent him, to follow him, to trust him, and to love him as well as love our individual selves and those around us.

And he asks this not because we are awesome fantastic human beings who deserve to be in the creator and controller of the universe’s entourage. He knows all the truth and knows we are so not.

He asks because he loves.

Even when we’re hurt, even when we’re cranky, even when we say we don’t totally trust him right now by worrying; Jesus loves. And he proves that love over and over and over again; early on with the aforementioned hunger/desert/power thing, then with the completely innocent yet still choosing to die for people thing and now with some unique in each of our individual lives thing

Jesus had already proved himself more than worthy of my trust, my adoration, and my love. He doesn’t ask me to be perfect, he just asks me to trust…to love.

This recounting of Jesus’ testing in the desert reminds me that even though I fail miserably, I believe in someone a million times greater than me who doesn’t. And incredibly, that perfect someone still loves imperfect me. And that gives me hope. And all of that makes me a little less cranky.

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